


Don't you have anything better to do?

by Reivalk



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Dirty Talk, Edging, Love confessions becuase Snake can't keep his mouth shut, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Phone Sex, Slight D/S elements towards the end, Voice Kink, Voyeurism, codec sex technically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 18:49:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9916229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reivalk/pseuds/Reivalk
Summary: "A one-way call isn't invisible, Otacon. I can still see that you're listening. Although," Snake's voice lowered to a hum as it drifted out of Hal's speakers. "I don't mind having a spectator. Makes things more interesting, don't cha think?"An alternate take on the infamous "pinup girl call" from MGS2.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I can't BELIEVE that there isn't a codec sex fic with these two. Time to fix that. This is also my first ever smutfic and phone sex is surprisingly hard to write. Be gentle, please. (uwaah~ jk)
> 
> I hope David Hayter never reads this. I have a megacrush on That Damn Voice and that was the entire fuel for this fic so, lol. -Closes lid on garbage can of shame-
> 
> Oh, before I forget, for the purposes of this fic, consider the codec to be an audio-only communication system. No portraits or visuals.

Snake had been still for what felt like ages.

Hal leaned forward in his chair as he squinted at the radar screen again, eyes flickering between the green dot that was his partner, currently in the corner of the room, and the surrounding area. There were no radio signals coming from guards that alerted the radar of their presence, so what was he doing?

He ALT-Tabbed over to Snake's vital readouts, and ran his eyes across the pale yellow lines that were currently jittering their way across the screen. Respiration, heart rate, and blood pressure were definitely above his mission-average. Snake's respiration curves looked especially odd. His breathing cycle was accented with subtle, quick interruptions*, almost as if he were... jumping? No, jumping would be too slow and heavy. Bouncing on his heels? But why would he be doing that? Hal stared in confusion at the even, rhythmic accents and began to mimic the breathing to himself in order to understand it better. His eyes widened at its familiarity. Horror and realization slowly dawning upon him, Hal curled his right hand into a fist and pumped it lightly in the air in time with the line's path. It was the exact speed at which somebody would-

Blood rushed to his face as he dropped his fist and clapped his hands over his eyes to stop looking at the suddenly very inappropriate graph. But it did nothing to stop the flood of images that went across his mind.

"You've _got_ to be fucking kidding me." Hal groaned to himself, as he tabbed away from the offending vitals and back to the radar, then to the codec's main screen as he considered his options. This was a mission, and it was incredibly irresponsible of Snake to be acting this way, damn it. He needed to stop, because they had intel to gather. He arrowed to Snake's frequency preset. The familiar ringing sound drifted its way out of the speakers he had connected to his computer. Underneath the codec screen, he saw a glimpse of Snake's vitals skyrocketing in response. _Good_ , Hal thought. _He should be startled._

It took four rings before the codec picked up. Hal's heart was hammering in his chest.

 

"Otacon." Was his partner's simple greeting. Throat dry, Hal forced himself to talk.

"Snake, what do you think you're _doing_?" He hissed.

"What do you mean?" Hal tried to ignore how Snake’s deep hum of a voice was a little rougher than usual. He heard him take a shaking breath through his mouth, then let out a sigh through his nose. Hal cursed the codec's sensitivity as he reached over to turn down the volume on his speakers.

"We're on a mission right now, and here you are _jerking off_ ? Don't you have anything better to do, like, I- I don’t know, actually _reach our target_ ?" His words came out harsher than he intended, but Hal was so flustered that he couldn't take time to think about that. He heard Snake's breath catch slightly, and hoped to god that he wasn’t still moving his hand.

"...I'll be over to our target soon. Give me a few minutes." Snake mumbled.

“Are you kidding me?”

"Give me a few minutes, Otacon." His voice dropped to a growl that vibrated Hal's speakers and sent the hairs on his arms standing up.

"...You're unbelievable." He huffed.

"Sure am." Snake promptly ended the call. Hal sat back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose, willing himself to stop blushing.

Hal watched in half-annoyance, half-arousal as his partner's vitals never lowered, and the breathing began its weird rhythm again, though much slower this time, even shuddering occasionally. He tore his eyes away from the graph and tried to find somewhere else to look.

 

His and Dave's personal relationship was somewhere weird right now. Friendly touches were increasing in frequency and lingering for longer than what would have otherwise been appropriate. They very often sat pressed up against each other while watching tv or movies, Snake liked to randomly give him shoulder massages (which were amazing) whenever he thought Hal looked too tense while working on his computer, and Hal awoke nearly every morning now with the warm wall that was his work partner's body pressing against him from behind and their legs tangled together. Sometimes neither of them bothered to move once they were both awake, talking sleepily to each other about plans for the day, though usually hearing (and feeling) Snake rumble into the back of his neck for that long made Hal flustered enough to get up first and lock himself in the bathroom for a bit.

Snake was very handsome, anybody with eyes could see that, but Hal always felt drawn the most to the soldier’s voice, more than anything. It was entrancing to listen to, like soothing, deep velvet with some roughness around the edges, most likely the result of years of smoking. It was the kind of voice that seeped charm and charisma when paired with the right words, and It was also ridiculously arousing whenever Hal was in a certain mood. And sure enough, listening to Snake try to calm himself down after being caught _masturbating_ of all things had definitely sent his brain into a bit of a fog. He tried not to glance down at his half-erection.

 

He really hated to admit it, but he wanted to hear more. Curiosity and shame ate at him as he glanced between Snake’s vitals and the codec screen. Hal brought up a list of options and looked at the “ONE-WAY CALL” command. The one-way call line allowed for one party to listen to the other, but not vice-versa, like a perpetual mute button. It was mostly meant for high-security high-risk uses, for example, if one party knew they were being monitored, they could still receive codec audio without having to send out any in return, which could prevent them from being tracked. Hal was pretty certain that since no data would be sent from him, the other person wouldn’t see anything indicating a call was going on.

He could just… Listen in, and Snake would never know…

Shame and embarrassment began to creep in as Hal hovered his pinky finger over the enter key. Spying on Snake would be so creepy, though, and Hal knew himself well enough that he would let the guilt eat away at him for days afterward, and Snake would no doubt notice how different he was acting and then goad him into telling him what was wrong. What would he say? _“I listened to you masturbate because I think you’re really attractive instead of actually confronting you about my attraction like a normal person”?_

Hal sat back in his chair as he contemplated the vitals graph. Maybe it wouldn’t be that big of a deal, because Snake was well aware that he was being monitored and that Hal had figured out exactly what he was doing from his vitals alone, Yet here he was, continuing to jerk off anyway, not caring that Hal knew. Whatever had him all hot and bothered was apparently more important than the mission, and despite that that was probably the worst and most immature way to break protocol, There was something _really hot_ about it.

Snake’s respiratory line gave another shudder and Hal grit his teeth as he felt more warmth pool in his stomach. His jeans were getting tight and he was way too curious. It would only be a peek. He hit _enter_ and opened up a one-way line, which connected immediately without the need for the other party to pick up. Hal felt his face burn and his heart speed up as he reached over and slowly turned up the volume on his speakers.

He was greeted with the sound of slow, uneven panting. Hal bit his lip and sat back in his chair, and began to lazily palm himself through his jeans as he concentrated.

 

It was easy to form a picture in his mind. A locker was a rather cramped space. Snake would be leaning forward slightly, bracing his weight on his forearm against the inside wall. His forehead would rest against said arm, allowing him to stare down at himself. A gloved hand - his right, probably - would slowly work at his thick shaft, occasionally pausing to rub his thumb across his slit, lifting it away with a string of pre before spreading it back down his length to continue.

Hal heard Snake's quiet panting halt and the soldier gave a shaky inhale through his teeth before holding his breath, and he pictured Snake gripping himself a bit tighter as his hips jerked, his eyes threatening to close before he let out a long sigh that sounded suspiciously like " _yeah_ ", fogging up the locker wall in front of him. Hal felt a shudder creep across his skin and inwardly thanked himself for having a vivid imagination. He hastily unzipped his fly and began to stroke himself, listening intently.

Snake’s breathing was coming harder now, and it sounded like he was struggling to remain quiet. Hal bit his knuckle and felt his dick give a couple twitches when he heard the soldier try and mostly fail to swallow down his groans. Every throaty noise that slipped through sent warm pleasure through his nerves as he slowly rocked his hips into his hand. This was _so dirty_. Snake huffed out a breath which turned into a deep hum halfway through, then a soft _whap_ (probably him covering his mouth) halted the noise before he muttered a curse. Hal thought of Snake darting his eyes towards the slats in the locker, straining to see out while he continued to tug at his cock, before glancing back down and biting his lip as he stared through half-closed eyes at himself, leaking pre all over his glove.

Hal silently stored the images and noises in his brain forever as he leaned forward and rested his forehead against his desk, hand working insistently over his dick. He stretched the collar of his shirt up and bit it as a jolt of pleasure shot up his back and made his right foot kick against his chair. _I can’t believe I’m doing this_ , he thought slowly.

Hal heard Snake suddenly pause mid-breath and for a few seconds there was total silence, before a rumbling laugh made its way out of the speakers. Hal opened one eye and sat up. Snake was laughing? At himself? Something he remembered? what was funny? Masturbating inside a locker did seem a bit silly, he supposed. But Snake wouldn’t have allowed himself to laugh if he was so concerned about being quiet. Something was off here. Hal shifted in his chair, unsure of what to do.

Snake's laugh died down, and a few more seconds of silence passed. Hal felt distinctly uncomfortable and released his dick, ignoring the sudden empty feeling as the buzz of pleasure faded. He wiped his hand on his shirt and.checked to confirm that the call was indeed one-way, which it was. He waited and listened to the soft hiss of the codec, trying to pick up anything more.

 

Then, Snake spoke at full volume, and Hal jumped a mile out of his seat as his speakers boomed.

"A one-way call isn't invisible, Otacon. I can see that you're listening."

 _Oh no_.

Hal’s heart give a violent drop through his stomach and onto the floor as fear and embarrassment flooded him. “Oh my god,” He muttered, and quickly shoved his dick back into his pants (as if Snake could see, which he couldn’t), face and ears flaming red. His finger was a centimeter from the _ESC_ key to hang up before his partner spoke again.

"Although," The teasing tone disappeared from Snake's voice as it dropped in pitch. "I don't mind having a spectator. Makes things more interesting, don't cha think?" He drawled slowly.

Hal felt simultaneous arousal and panic and tugged at his hair with shaking hands, unsure of what to do. Before he could hear anything more he struck the _ESC_ key with more force than necessary. The call closed and he was left at the codec preset screen, Staring blankly at his partner’s codename. The silence he was surrounded with felt suffocating.

 

Somewhere in the back of his mind Hal supposed that this intense shame he was feeling was unfounded; If Snake truly didn’t mind being listened in on, then he probably felt no disgust with Hal for choosing to do so. But Hal was so used to the weird tension between them being unresolved that suddenly having his partner say something like that felt overwhelming. It felt like too big of a jump, no matter how much it mirrored his own desires.

But, did it really matter? Snake was probably just being reckless and letting his dick speak for him, and he wouldn’t think much of this when it was over. ...Was anything even going to happen? Maybe there would be no more calls and they would both just forget about this and laugh it off later, once they properly acknowledged their deepening relationship. Maybe.

Hal wished he knew what Snake was thinking. All he wanted to do was get out an apology.

 

As if on cue, his codec rang. Hal briefly considered not answering, but it was protocol that he had to. He signed and hit the enter key, and immediately started talking.

“Snake, I.... That was real creepy and invasive of me, I'm sorry -”

“Hey, don't apologize.” Snake cut him off, tone light. “I'm, well, kinda flattered that you'd want to watch. We’ve been living together for years, it’s not that creepy.”

“I… uh.” Hal felt something between intense relief and vague discomfort at how casually Snake was handling all this. “You’re not mad?”

“No. ‘Course not.”

Hal sighed and leaned back in his chair a bit, willing himself to calm down. He swept his hand through his hair.

“So…” Snake continued. “Didn’t know you were a voyeur.”

Hal cringed in embarrassment and he must have made a noise, because Snake laughed again. Somehow though, the teasing didn’t make him feel as bad as he had anticipated.

“Shut up. You’re the one who doesn't mind being watched.” He shot back, trying not to smile.

“True. Hal...”, Snake sighed through his nose, before taking a breath and hesitating. Hal had a gut feeling that he knew exactly where this conversation was going. He swallowed, waiting. “...Do you want for me to keep going?” Hal’s hunch was right, and he willed his heart to slow down.

“You’re serious?”

“Very.” Came the reply from his speakers.

Hal looked at the ceiling, still slightly not believing what was happening. This was certainly an odd way for them to acknowledge their feelings. They hadn’t even kissed yet, and here Snake was offering _phone sex_ of all things…. Not that Hal minded, of course. He shook off his nerves and looked back at his screen, thankful that Snake couldn’t see how red his ears were.

“I.... guess. Yes. Yeah, I do.” Hal answered.

“Alright.”

There were a few beats of silence, and Hal sighed and rubbed his thumb along his half-hard dick, which had begun to fill back out already.

“I’m curious. Were you touching yourself as you were listening to me?” Snake asked.

Hal grinned sheepishly, _Straight to the point like always._ “Yeah. I was. I kinda had to. couldn’t really help myself. The way you sounded when I caught you made my mind wander a bit.”

“You like the way I sound, huh? No wonder you spied on me.”

“Yeah, well…” Hal laughed, embarrassed that he was that transparent. Snake tended to figure out people pretty quickly.

“Mmmm, Kinda strange, giving me an earful about jerking off on the job when you’re over there doing the same thing.”

“You started it…” Hal said, swallowing at the teasing tone that wormed its way back into his partner’s voice.

“Did I? Well then, I guess you lack as much self-control as I do.” Snake hummed. “Gotta admit, I really like the image of you being unable to keep your hands off yourself. Probably blushing the whole time too, hmm?” His voice was low, letting the last word dissolve into a sigh. Hal shuddered and switched his thumb for his palm, grinding up into his hand.

“Probably,” He replied, slightly breathless. “You gave me some pretty good mental images too.” Hal briefly considered describing them but he was a bit too flustered to make himself say anything more. He didn’t want to sound stupid, especially when his thoughts were a bit of a mess.

“You wanna know what I was thinking about?” Came the smooth voice from his speakers.

Hal inwardly thanked no god in particular that Snake was taking initiative. “...Yeah?”

“You.”

Hal felt a blush creep onto his face. “What about me, exactly?” He asked. “Gimme details.”

"Mm, The locker’s small and hot, so... it made me think of us fucking in the shower. Of you, against the wall with your back pressed against me, your hands splayed out in front of you and your head turned to the side so you could look at me… Would you like that?"

_Oh wow._

"Uh huh. I would. I..." He tried to think of a response but found none, or couldn't put them into words fast enough. "Wow. sorry if I’m not talking much. My brain is kind of mush." Hal almost felt selfish but squashed that feeling away.

"Hey, That's more than okay with me. I've had this shit on my mind for a while, so just let me talk, you can relax. Let me know if you're enjoying yourself..." That was exactly what he wanted. Snake seemed to know what he was doing.

"Sounds good." Hal was about to let his eyes flutter shut when he suddenly remembered something, and sat upright. "Wait. Snake, we're still on duty. So we don’t have a lot of time, so can we... Skip foreplay? I mean it's not real and..." He found his mouth to be dry, and swallowed, heart beating hard. "I just need you to fuck me."

Snake let out a slow breath. “I could definitely get used to hearing you say that,” he said, voice rough. “Alright. Assume you're prepped.”

 

“I’d press my cock into you... feel you stretch and twitch around me as your nails scrape against the wall, and youre so hot and tight and perfect, _nnh_ \- I'd start moving, nice and slow so that you can get used to it, and you'd be making these breathless little sounds as you take me in, inch by inch..."

Hal muttered a shaky "Oh my god," As he let the words wash over him. Okay, Snake _definitely_ knew what he was doing. He bit his knuckle and hissed as he imagined the slow stretch of a hot cock in his ass and had to slow his hand down as more sparks ran up his spine. "Jesus, Dave." He gasped. "Have you been rehearsing this?"

"Why, do you like it?" Hal could clearly hear the grin in his voice, and the engineer huffed out a laugh at his partner’s  teasing.

"Fuck yeah,” He replied. “ _More_."

"I'd start to get to a pace thats just how you want it, and you'd shiver and gasp for air, dropping your head back against my shoulder, trying to keep yourself steady on your feet as my hips hit your ass..."

Hal tilted his head to rest against the back of his chair. "Mmmn, Id have one hand back behind me in your hair… and I'd pull you towards me so you could… get at my neck-" He mumbled, lolling his head to the side. He felt his glasses slip off his face and heard them hit the floor. ...He could worry about them later.

"Oh, I'd like that." Snake purred. "Latch on to you and leave some nice markings on that soft skin of yours…Just wrap my lips right around your pulse and suck-" He exhaled sharply and swallowed. "...It'd also help to keep my voice down, heh. _Ngh-_ "

Hal hummed low in his throat as he squeezed his eyes shut and spread his legs wider, canting his hips slowly into his hand. Another jolt of heat cut through him and he had to still himself, waiting for it to pass before giving a shaky sigh. Snake wasn't even being that explicit in his words, instead it was the flirty, lusty tones that so smoothly rolled through his voice that felt like an aphrodisiac to the Engineer. He had never heard Snake _sound_ like that before, and it was insanely hot. Keeping quiet was the last thing he wanted. Hal felt the last of his nerves melt away. 

"I love it…" He moaned. "Talk more, talk to me, Dave. Keep using that filthy goddamn voice of yours and don't _stop_."

He heard snake take in another breath through his teeth before letting out a long, quiet groan. “Yes sir,” He said hoarsely, pausing a few seconds before continuing to talk.

 

“I’d reach one hand up while fucking you and take a hold of your neck, tilt it up so that you can't look down… so that you could hear me panting in your ear and telling you how amazing you feel, arching your back against my chest and tightening around me- _fuck_ \- ..."

Hal panted as he dragged his unoccupied hand up his chest and slotted it around his throat, and gently squeezed, enough to make swallowing difficult. He gasped and keened at the sensation and arched his back off the chair, speeding his hand up along his cock.

" _That's_ it." Snake growled. "That's what I want to hear. So hot, Hal, those cute fucking noises-"

"Keep going, keep going-" Hal muttered. A bead of sweat rolled down his cheek and he caught it with his tongue, forcing himself to slow his hand down slightly and relax his muscles, though it was difficult. He needed to remain at least a little lucid so he could cling onto every word and sound. He wasn’t sure how close Snake was or not, but he was prepared to try to match his pace.

 

“...I’d wrap my hand around your dick, stroking double time to my thrusts- hit that spot you like- over and over again ‘till I feel you shaking and your knees can barely keep you up-” Snake let out another growl then spoke through grit teeth. “I want you to pull at my hair and dig your nails into me so you can make me go faster.” A sharp inhale. “Look what you do to me, Hal, I'm not gonna last much longer…”

Hal dazedly marveled at how Snake’s composure was starting to come undone, which was something he had never seen before from his usually cool and invulnerable partner. A grin spread across his blushing face as an idea formed in his mind. He needed to see how far he could take this. He slowed his hand down further and inwardly groaned at the loss of stimulation.

“Already?” He panted, reaching up to wipe his hair out of his eyes. “You need to learn how to control yourself more.”

Snake made a frustrated noise. “How can I, when you make me into such a fucking _wreck?_ ... ‘s why I couldn’t keep my hands off myself... _Hnnh_ -!...So damn perfect, Hal, _all_ of you... Your eyes and your skin and your laugh and the way you bite your lip while working...I’ve been wanting you for months, wasn't sure if you felt the same... uh… fuck. Sorry?”

Hal felt a thrill at that jumble of affectionate praise, and he quietly laughed when he heard Snake’s apology. “Don’t say sorry,”He managed breathlessly, closing his eyes and smiling.

The mental image of Snake  -  leaning back against the locker wall with one arm thrown over his blushing face, tendons shifting in his neck and teeth grit together as he frantically tugs at his dick, shivering from the embarrassment of his probably unintended confession and breath hitching as he waits for his partner's reply - is enough to make Hal's sneakered heels scrape against the floor. Snake wasn't sure if Hal liked him, was he _blind_?

“ _Fuck_ Dave, of _course_ I do. Would I - _ah-_ do this otherwise?”

He heard snake let out a hoarse laugh of relief that dissolved into a groan.

"Hal.” He said, voice hushed. “I'm close, I-"

“No.” Hal cut him off, leaning towards the computer and jerking himself harder. “Don’t come until I do.” He said, staring wide-eyed at the codec screen.

Snake gave a shuddering gasp. "Oh my god. _Fuck_ . _Keep telling me what to do. Now_ ." The last request was aggressive enough to make Hal's speakers rattle on the table again. Hal bit his lip tightly and groaned at the sound, then shakily reached a hand over to lower the volume a notch. He waited a few seconds, panting quietly and shuddering. As much as he wanted to drag this out, it was getting harder to stall his release. He was too close, it felt too good.

“Slow down. Squeeze yourself harder. Keep yourself right on the edge but don’t go over.” Hal gasped, leg involuntarily kicking his chair again as his dick throbbed in his hand.

The noise that wrung from Snake was absolutely _filthy_ , and Hal felt his eyes roll back in his head as his stomach and thighs tensed. _Almost there_.

“ _Fuck, Fuck, fuck_ , I cant take this, I need you to come for me. Need you to- come hard around my dick- so that I can - fill you with- Hal, _come for me-”_

The gasping, half-formed sentences made Snake sound wrecked , and Hal loved every second of it. This vulnerability was for his ears only, He squeezed his eyes shut and felt tears prickle at their corners as his rhythm began to stutter.

At the mention of his name Hal’s mind went blank. He leaned forward and moaned loudly into the crook of his shaking elbow as his hips bucked once, and he felt hot fluid burst across his hand and shirt. After a few seconds through a haze he heard Snake give a long, muffled groan before breathing heavily through his nose.

 

The only sound for a while was the both of them breathing. Hal picked his head up off the desk and blinked absently a few times before he removed his shirt, wiping his semen off his hand and the edge of the desk, and making a face at it before dropping it on the floor.

“You still there?” Snake mumbled tiredly.

“Yeah.” Hal picked up his glasses and put them back on, then stood up and stretched, cracking his back. He glanced down at his softening dick and sheepishly tucked it back away in his jeans.

“Well, _that_ just happened.” Hal sighed contentedly, sitting back down in his chair and rolling it towards the computer. He rubbed his eyes and glanced at the radar again, and thankfully most of the troops were on another deck of the ship. He couldn’t believe that nobody had noticed. Over the codec, he heard Snake’s zipper.

“Sure did,” His partner replied. “I, uh, got a bit carried away there, at the end.” he said quietly.

“Don’t worry about it.” Hal grinned to himself. “Nice to hear that you think I’m “so damn perfect”?”

Snake sighed, annoyed. “Don’t even start with that or I’ll…..do something. Ugh, Otacon, can you get this afterglow away from me?”

“Or you’ll throw me in a locker?” Hal smirked at his own joke as he brought up the Nanomachines’ chemical regulation program and carefully adjusted the sliders to bring Snake back to a state of alertness.

“Yeah, with me.” Hal heard Snake stretch and pop his neck. “I think we’d have a good time.” He paused. “Shit.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I ruined my glove. I can’t leave fingerprints.”

“You can’t leave DNA, either.”

“...Oh. You’re right. Well. There goes the other glove, then.” Hal heard Snake start to wipe at the locker wall and grimaced. Those gloves were expensive. “I’ll just swipe a replacement pair from whatever poor GRU lackey comes walking in here. Where’s the nearest one?”

He hummed and brought up the radar map. “There’s one in the hallway south of your position, out the door closest to the furnace pipe. Hal heard Snake open the locker door and step out.

“Gotcha. Mission resume?”

“Mission resume, way the hell behind schedule.” Hal sighed, and Snake chuckled. “Don’t get distracted this time.” He added.

“Can’t guarantee that. I’m talking to the distraction right now.”

Hal rolled his eyes but smiled and blushed as he hung up the codec.

\-----

 

*I am aware that people don't really breathe like that while jerking off unless they're going _hard_ , but plot armor is plot armor. Hal needed to know somehow. ;)


End file.
